Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I love you.
Bad choice
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