She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
