I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
