I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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