did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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