so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
