I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize