do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
