1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
