the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
