It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
