I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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