his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
it glows. i had to have it.
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I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
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What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals