You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.