i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
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You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
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You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that