Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
