so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
