Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
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Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
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Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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