census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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