i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
