based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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