Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
