So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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