Buhtt sex?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
