True but thats because hes a fetus.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
did you just send me my own nude
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
