do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
