At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
