Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
