He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
