What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
