By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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