omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
