remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
