im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is Oprah even human
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
