I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
