Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
