I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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