now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
