First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Your penis caused this!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
