My sheets look like a crime scene.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
