Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
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Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
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"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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