just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
