Umm I'm too high to move.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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