My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i was born a porn star she said
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
