I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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