i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Someone came in the potted fern
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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