Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
