i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
