I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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