i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
