He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
