he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
