I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
