vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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