I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
