i think i scared a bird with my dick
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
