and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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