You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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