My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
