you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I party with great urgency now.
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