I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
