I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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