I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
