If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
