I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i think i have two assholes
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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