ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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