even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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