wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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