Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
