If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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