So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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