I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
