She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
