found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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