The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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