So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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