Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
