so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
