She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
