Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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