I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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