those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize