he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
