proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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