She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
