remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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