his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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