Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
