I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
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apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
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Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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