Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Randomize
