Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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