Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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