What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
